If I Had You
by Xairathan
Summary: For Asuka, playing a guitar is easy. Playing in a band in front of hundreds of people is even easier. Confessing to her best friend who happens to be lead singer? Hardest thing ever. Asurei Rock Band AU
1. Chapter 1

The roar of the crowd echoes in Asuka's ears, thrilling and intoxicating all at once. Gripping the neck of her guitar with one hand, she responds to the applause by raising her free arm in a full wave. To her right, she's aware of Mari rising from behind her drum set and bowing, twirling her drum sticks with a self-satisfied smirk; to her right is Hikari, standing with her hands still on her keyboard and a quiet grin on her face. She turns her head left, towards the last member of their quartet, and is greeted by Rei, her blue hair flashing every shade from navy to turquoise under the spotlights. Rei's not looking back at Asuka though; her attention is focused on the sizeable crowd massed before them.

"Thank you all for coming out," Rei says, her soft voice booming out from the stage. It's a miracle she can be heard, even with the aid of a microphone; the cheers of the crowd are so loud. "We'll be playing here again in August once we finish the northern portion of our tour. We hope you come see us then!"

The screaming only increases in volume as Rei secures her microphone on its stand and waves to her band members, motioning for them to head backstage. Asuka slings her guitar over her head and places it back on its stand, jogging after Hikari and Mari.

As soon as the four girls have made it into the privacy of the backstage halls, Mari practically jumps her band mates, screeching excitedly. "They loved us!" she shouts, punching the air and narrowly missing Hikari's cheek. "They loved you, they loved me-"

"Of course they did." Hikari laughs, patting the hand that Mari's rests on her shoulder. "Everyone's been wanting us to go on tour since that album we put out last December."

" _I_ wanted to go on a road trip," says Mari. "But you three insisted on waiting until our Spring semester had ended to do anything."

"That's because we needed to practice with Asuka," Rei says, and Asuka thinks her voice sounds so quiet compared to what she hears rattling through her when Rei's singing out on stage. She likes this quiet Rei better, if only because that's the Rei she's known for so long. They've been friends since junior high school, though Asuka only really became familiar with Hikari and Mari once Rei asked her to join their band.

"True, true." Mari says. She dances over to Asuka, wrapping one arm around Asuka's waist from behind and pulling the redhead into a rough embrace. "Our savior guitarist. What _ever_ would we have done if you didn't join us?"

"I joined because Rei said you needed someone," Asuka groans, struggling to extricate herself from Mari's clingy grasp. "But I have to admit, this is fun. I didn't know being in a band meant you got this much attention."

"I keep telling you guys, it's because of that album." Hikari stops in front of the changing rooms, looking at something on her phone screen. "Although... today, they _really_ seem to be into Rei. Check it out."

The other three girls crowd around Hikari, staring at the tiny phone. Displayed in the glowing light are a series of even smaller screens, each showing a little clip of their performance. "A bunch of these focus just on Rei," Hikari says, flicking through the list of videos. "Some of Mari... hey, there's you and me, Asuka. And... they think you and Mari have got something going on."

"Whaaaat?! Let me see!" Asuka grabs the phone from Hikari's hand, not bothering to throw off Mari's hands, sneaking around her again as the bespectacled girl peers over her shoulder. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

"Is it that one song where you and Mari kept staring at each other?" Rei asks, pushing past Hikari and into the changing room. She tilts her head towards the pair, listening to the music emanating from Hikari's phone. "That's the one."

"I- I was not _staring!_ " Asuka splutters, following her friend inside. "I was set on outdoing her drum solo, that's what!"

"And I'd dare say you did very well, if the applause was anything to go by, Princess," Mari counters, plucking the phone from Asuka's hand and returning it to Hikari. "Maybe next time I'll blow you a few kisses, see if that messes you up enough for me to get an advantage."

"You do that, and I'll-" Asuka snarls, cracking her knuckles in Mari's direction. Mari responds by making a heart with her hands, then setting on undoing the buttons on her vest. "Hikari, I _love_ your sewing, but did you have to make the buttons so tiny?"

"You're the only one having trouble with them, you know?" Asuka's quick glance around the room confirms this; Rei's already changing into her regular clothes, and Hikari's folded up her vest and placed it on a hanger. "Must be your big drummer hands, Four-eyes."

"Big drummer hands, huh?" Mari chuckles, leaning her head back against her chair and tapping her fingers together. "I could make a song about that. The princess hates my big drummer hands. The fans would love it."

"Please don't do that," says Hikari. "As good as your song are, it's me and Rei who have to sing them. I'm not one who really... sings about drummers. Or hands."

"What about bad girls who steal your heart and glare at you?" Mari wiggles her eyebrows at Hikari, who sighs and shakes her head.

"Keep Asuka out of it, Mari."

"Fine, fine. I'm sure I'll find something interesting to write about, anyway. Maybe stray cats, or tight vests." Mari giggles to herself, wiggling out of the vest and draping it across the changing table. "Afterparty?"

"We've got to pack up and get ready for a pretty long drive tomorrow." Hikari finishes brushing her hair back, tying it up into a neat ponytail, and pulls her jacket on. "I want us to be well-rested for our next show, too. So no partying, Mari. You're not even drinking age yet!"

"Just a minor setback!" Mari hops off her seat, pulling her sweatshirt over her head, and drapes an arm around Hikari. "If we work fast, can we at least stop for a snack before we leave town? We drove past this place that has the most adorable pastries."

"If by working fast you mean Hikari, Asuka and I do all the work while you sit back and say 'nya' all night long, I'll pass," says Rei.

"That was one time!"

"One time too many." Rei zips her jacket up, tugging the sleeves over her wrists, and looks back at Asuka. "Are you coming?"

"Hmm? Yeah. Just... give me a second. I've got to do... stuff," stammers Asuka. All three girls stare at her for a brief moment, until Hikari grabs Mari firmly by the elbow and marches her back towards the stage.

Rei stays a little longer, a crease in her eyebrows betraying a question. "I'll be out in a second. Just go ahead," Asuka says, waving a hand. Rei holds her gaze for a second longer, and then she nods and leaves the changing room, and Asuka alone in it. The door slides closed after her, clicking quietly as Asuka turns back to the mirror and runs her hands down her face. Pulling her own phone out from her pocket, a few quick searches confirm what she's been thinking ever since they left the stage.

Rei's face is plastered everywhere Asuka looks- on fan-sites, on blogs, on a few social media sites she's had accounts on for years, but never bothered to use until now. A long sigh slides between her lips as she slips into her sweatshirt, the comfortable red fabric doing little to ease the nervous rattling in her stomach. _One more week, three more shows, and then it's July and we get a break,_ she thinks, grabbing the changing room door by the knob and flinging it open. The rusty hinges squeak angrily at her, and Asuka retaliates by punching the doorframe on the way out.

Hikari and Mari are disassembling their instruments when Asuka walks out, grabbing her guitar case in one hand and brushing past Rei. She's stopped by a hand on her arm, and when she turns, Rei stares at her, head canted to the side in that adorable way that sends flutters up Asuka's spine. "Are you sure everything's alright?" she asks.

Asuka jerks her head up and down, too tongue-tied to offer a verbal explanation. Rei releases her, patting her shoulder, and resumes breaking down the sound equipment. Asuka grabs her guitar, making sure to keep her back to her band mates, taking twice as long to stuff the instrument into its case than she needs. Her eyes sweep the empty arena, which had just been filled with people cheering for her, and Asuka tries to recall the almost drunken rush of adrenaline through her blood, but she can't. There's a crash behind her- Mari, dropping her cymbals again, no doubt- and Hikari yelling for Mari to be careful. It's just like normal, except normal doesn't involve Asuka's blood reaching the boiling point whenever she thinks of the next show.

 _It's supposed to be fun,_ Asuka thinks, snapping her case shut. _It_ is _fun. I'm just tired; that's what it is. It'll be better tomorrow._

"Asuka?" Asuka looks up, and Rei's standing next to her, holding the cables to her electric guitar in one hand. "Would you like me to help you with this?"

"You don't have to," Asuka mumbles, but Rei crouches next to her, unzipping a small pouch on the case's side and stuffing the wires in.

"There. I'm going to help Mari and Hikari now. Put your guitar in the back and give me a hand?"

Asuka stands, grabbing her guitar and amplifier, and nods to Rei. "Sure. Be back in a second." Before she can move, though, Rei wraps her arms around her midsection, pulling her into a quick hug.

"Thanks for joining us. I know you didn't want to."

"It's... it's not a problem. I don't regret it," Asuka replies, even though she's not sure how much of that last sentence is true. Rei smiles, bringing back the butterflies in her stomach, and then Rei steps away to help Mari with the pile of metal she's managed to deconstruct her drum set into, and Asuka feels a chill seizing her again. _Not yet, anyway,_ she thinks, and heads back towards the parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

Three nights and several hundred miles later, Asuka's on another stage, fingers flying across the neck of her guitar while the sounds of Rei singing fill her ears. This time she's careful not to look at Mari, not even when the brunette blows a few promised kisses across the stage. From the way the crowd cheers after that, they must think she's just playing hard to get, and the thought makes Asuka focus even harder on the music. The songs become empty echoes in her ears, a haze through which she can occasionally make out Rei's voice, but when she does she lets it fade away.

When everything's over, Mari tackles Hikari from behind and gives one last wave to the assembled audience while Asuka makes a beeline for the stage exit. Rei follows after her, mistaking the downward slump of Asuka's shoulders for fatigue. "That was the best I've ever seen you play," Rei says.

"Thanks," Asuka shoots back half-heartedly. There's a note of truth to Rei's words, but Asuka knows something that Rei doesn't, that her heart wasn't in the performance despite everything indicating otherwise. "Are those two coming?"

Rei shrugs. "Eventually." The pair pauses in front of the changing room, Rei placing her hand on the door before Asuka can open it. "I know you didn't want to do this tour with us, Asuka. It means a lot to me that you're here."

"Yeah, well." Asuka scratches at the back of her hand, which has finally begun to feel sore from all her furious guitar-playing. "You were going to be here. Couldn't miss that, could I? Seems like everyone else thinks that, too."

Rei's mouth curves to the side in confusion, but she reaches understanding a moment later. "You mean the fans."

"Have you seen them? They love you. I don't think they've stopped talking about you since the first show." Asuka laughs, her voice sounding hollow even to herself, and she stops quickly. Rei doesn't seem to notice, instead looking back over her shoulder to where Mari and Hikari should've been coming down the hall.

"That was how long ago? Two weeks?" Rei asks, starting back towards the stage. "Where are they?"

"Yeah, two weeks. Don't worry about them Rei, Four-eyes is probably testing her crowd-surfing abilities or something."

Speak of the devil, and she shall appear. Mari skids into the hall, nearly colliding with the wall, and runs over to Rei, grabbing her by the hands. "Hey, come on you guys! I finally talked Hikari into letting us stay out a little late. Not an afterparty yet, but we're getting there." Mari sighs dreamily, pulling Rei along with her. "And we need _you_ to give us a hand, miss front-girl."

"Asuka, are you coming?" Rei calls back to where her friend still stands next to the changing room door.

"Uh." Asuka shakes her head noncommittally, waving a hand up in the air. "Yeah. Give me a second."

Rei appears unsatisfied, but she can't resist Mari's relentless determination. Both girls disappear back onto the stage, accompanied by a loud cheer that Asuka realizes to mean they won't be packing up and leaving for a long while. "Damn you, Four-eyes," she groans, staring longingly between the door and the corridor where Rei had just vanished.

It'd be easy to just tell the other she didn't feel well, and stay in the changing room for the rest of the night, but Rei would know that wasn't true. Asuka knows Rei won't tell Hikari or Mari if that's the case, but the nagging feeling that's been bothering her since their last stop tells her to go after Rei, so the others won't suspect something's wrong. _And,_ Asuka adds with a grimace, _it'll be better to be out there with Rei than alone in here_.

Swallowing the sour feeling in her throat, Asuka storms away from the changing room, hoisting a convincing smile on her face just as she reaches the stage. Mari waves her over gleefully from the pit, and it takes all of Asuka's concentration to keep the sinking feeling in her stomach from showing on her face. She hops down to join the others, landing between Hikari and Rei, who loop their arms together at the elbows, smiling at the many cameras before them.

Lights go off, bright and blinding, and Asuka blinks wildly between pictures to try and get rid of the technicolor dots dancing in her vision. Rei looks over, able to sense her friend's discomfort just in the way she moves her head, but Asuka gives Rei a reassuring smirk, and Rei looks away.

 _She used to hate photos,_ Asuka muses, remembering a time when Rei's preferred interaction with a camera involved her hiding behind Asuka and Asuka yelling at the photographer. _I don't even know when that changed. High school, maybe._

"Hey, are you awake in there?" Mari shouts in Asuka's ear. Asuka stumbles to the side, into Rei, who catches her after a second of surprised hesitation. "Hikari said we're doing autographs, Princess. What, too busy daydreaming about me?"

"You wish," Asuka shoots back. Hikari hands her a pen, and Asuka seriously considers hurling it at Mari, but encouraging her isn't something that would be a good idea at the moment. Rei squeezes her arm once and releases her, moving off to a knot of fans on the side of the stage. They close in around her, cutting her off from Asuka, who tosses the pen from hand to hand and trails reluctantly after Hikari and Mari.

 _Two more shows,_ she thinks, listening to Hikari tell someone that _no, we can't sign your shirt, even though Mari would like to_.

* * *

Two more shows happens faster than Asuka can anticipate. They leave for their next destination at two in the morning, and between the sleep-deprived practices and bone-rattling performances, Asuka loses track of time. It's not until Hikari's driving back down the coastline road with Mari in the passenger seat and Rei asleep in the back of the van that Asuka realizes they've crossed the boundary of June into July, and she's going to be free for two weeks.

Hikari shatters that idea a moment later, saying, "I think we should practice while we've got time. Mari's been writing some new songs, and I want us to incorporate them on the next half of our tour. We'll need to get them down before we leave. None of you have anything planned, right?"

"Nothing except sleeping, eating, and partying!" Mari chirps, crossing her hands behind the headrest. "And calling Princess at 3 in the morning to ask for song advice, of course."

"Do that, and I'll make sure you _need_ four eyes to see."

"Ooh, I like that idea! For a song, of course. If I'm blind, you'll need someone else who can play a drum set as well as I can."

"Yeah, like a trained monkey."

"Cut it out, you two- ow!" Hikari winces as the van hits a pothole, tossing its occupants from side to side. Mari's head slams back against the headrest, earning a surprised yelp, while Rei's sleeping form slides down across the backseat, her head landing in Asuka's lap. "Stupid potholes."

"Yeah, those seem to be a problem," Mari chimes in. "Everyone alright back there?" She pokes her head around the seat, taking in the sight of Rei asleep on Asuka's lap and Asuka flushing a bright shade of red. "More than alright, I'd say."

"Go soak your head," Asuka retorts, successfully keeping a stammer from her voice. "She must be tired, if that didn't wake her up." Mari shrugs, her shoulders rising and lowering visibly above her seat, and Asuka drowns out her commentary on the state of the roads they've taken. Focusing instead Rei, Asuka freezes when Rei begins to stir, her head tilting from side to side. Rei remains asleep, resting her cheek on Asuka's legs, and after a moment's hesitation, Asuka places one hand on Rei's head, slowly running her fingers through Rei's hair. To her surprise, a small smile emerges on Rei's face, and she relaxes. _Cute,_ Asuka thinks, and her blush worsens. Still, she's unable to bring herself to lift her hand, and they stay like that for the rest of the drive back home.

* * *

Hikari gives them five days off to recover, sleep, and in Mari's case, party. Asuka spends most of it huddled under the blankets in her apartment, texting Rei and watching videos of their performance online. Most of them are just of Rei, but Asuka doesn't mind. Somehow, listening to Rei sing is refreshing, and if Asuka leans back and puts the phone next to her head she can begin to imagine Rei is beside her, lips next to her ear.

She's awoken from one of these dreams one morning by her phone going off loudly under her pillow. She fumbles with the touch pad, answering on the last ring, her greeting slurred by morning grogginess.

"And hello to you too, Princess!" Mari says, and Asuka groans, shoving the phone back under the pillow. Even muffled, Mari somehow managed to make herself heard perfectly. "Be sure not to skip practice, alright? I made a new song just for you."

Mari hangs up, and Asuka rolls over, dangling one arm over the side of her bed, staring sightlessly at the alarm clock by her bedside. She blinks at it for a minute, trying to make sense of the minute and hour hands until her phone goes off again and a roar tears itself loose from her throat. She seizes the phone with both hands, ready to rip into whoever thinks texting her at eight in the morning is a good idea, and then she realizes it's Rei.

 _Are you awake?_

 _Yes,_ Asuka texts back, kicking off the covers and stumbling into the bathroom. She might as well get ready, if Rei's awake to talk to.

 _Did Mari call you too?_

Asuka seizes her phone, keeping her toothbrush pinned between her teeth, and types out a quick reply. _Yes. Idiot._ And, just in case Rei reads that wrong, she adds, _Not you._

 _I'll see you there._

Asuka just about smacks her forehead into the mirror, staring at her disheveled reflection, which looks back at her with disdain. _Good going Soryu,_ she thinks, splashing water onto her face. _This is why I don't text in the morning._

She skips breakfast, grabbing her guitar and running out the door, hoping she can get to the college before Rei does so she can apologize. Even though Hikari said practice would start at 10 AM, Asuka's there at 9, pacing the halls of the music building restlessly. Hikari has the keys to their practice room, so there's not much else she can do but wait for Rei to arrive, whenever she does.

Rei arrives half an hour later, playing with her phone as she walks into the building. She looks up in surprise when she sees Asuka leaning against the wall, guitar case resting at her feet. "What are you doing here?" she asks, putting her phone away and approaching Asuka.

"I didn't mean you were an idiot, you know," Asuka says. Rei raises an eyebrow, and Asuka goes on. "You know, the text I sent you this morning?"

"Oh, I understood that," Rei laughs, and relief sweeps over Asuka in a rushing wave.

"Good. Sorry. 'Cause from what you said after that, I thought-"

"I was in a hurry. I thought I'd walk here instead of take the bus today."

"What, you didn't want to do your vocal exercises today?"

"I did them on the walk over," Rei replies, sitting down next to Asuka's guitar. "I got here a lot sooner than I expected, though. I'm glad I'm not the first one here."

"Why, because Mari would tease you?"

"Because waiting alone isn't fun."

"Can't disagree with that," says Asuka. "Wanna bet on who shows up next?"

"Definitely Hikari. Mari can leave as early as she wants, and she'll still get here late."

"Because she stopped to get coffee, petted some cats, pulled her notebook out in the middle of the street to write some lyrics down- what other excuses has she given us again?"

"We still have time. We could go get coffee," suggests Rei. Asuka turns to look at her, looking like she's said the strangest thing, and Rei shrugs. "It's just an idea."

"I- Well, I didn't have breakfast, so yeah, that sounds good," Asuka stammers, trying to justify to herself the reason why every single bit of her just screamed _yes_ in unison. "There's a coffee shop in the library-"

"Asuka, Rei!" Hikari's voice echoes down the hallway, and Asuka bites back a curse, passing it off as a cough. "I didn't expect you guys here."

"We both left early," Rei explains, while Asuka gathers up her guitar case and makes a point of not looking at Hikari.

"Me too. I couldn't really go back to sleep after Mari called me. You know, for being so excited about practice, you'd think she'd be the first one here."

"Rei and I already covered that," Asuka says, her tone clipped and short ."She'll probably be here late or something." She steps to the side, letting Hikari past to unlock the door, and pushes her way in as soon as the room is open, setting up her equipment on the far side of the room.

"Someone's grumpy today," Hikari murmurs to Rei.

"Mari must've put her in a bad mood." Rei shrugs, leaning against the door. "I'll keep it open until Mari gets here. You go get your things ready."

"Thanks, Rei." Hikari walks away, dragging the keyboard propped up against the wall across the room. The screeching of the stand's metal legs is drowned out by Asuka and her guitar, going through the standard warm-ups. Rei pulls her phone out from her pocket, her gaze alternating between the empty hallway and the time. Minutes pass, and just as the numbers on Rei's phone show 10:00 AM, Mari just about crashes into the wall at the end of the hallway.

"She's here," Rei calls to Hikari, and Asuka rolls her eyes.

"Cutting it close," Asuka says as Mari staggers into the room, out of breath and holding several sheets of paper in one hand.

"My printer ran out of ink. No, really, it did."

"Whatever, Four-eyes. Is that the new song?"

" _Songs,_ plural. The muse was with me last night."

Asuka grabs her copy of the music from Mari as she passes by, flipping through the pages. It's nothing too complicated, and thankfully Mari listened to Hikari and didn't write something about her. "I should be able to get this down in a month."

"Same," Hikari chimes in. "Chord progression's easy enough, and- _Mari!_ "

Mari grins from where she lies sprawled on the ground, having missed her seat at the drum set and careened face-first into the wood flooring. "I'm good!" she yells, shooting a thumbs-up to the others.

"You stayed up late drinking again, didn't you?" asks Rei, more amused than disappointed.

"It was just a few shots," Mari grins. "And maybe some beers. I'm not hung over, if that's what you're worried about. I can still play, you know? Just... hit a few things." She mimes drumming wildly from her seat on the floor, nearly knocking her chair over. "I got this."

"You're wasted," says Asuka.

"If you think you can play, we'll give this a shot." Hikari spreads her music on the piano, squinting at the opening bars. "Everyone ready?"

Rei nods; Asuka shrugs, and Mari climbs into her seat, drum sticks in hand. Hikari counts them in, and practice begins, in the slow, halting way that new songs are often played. To Asuka's surprise, Mari manages to keep pace with everyone else despite her impaired state. Rei handles the new song with her usual unending patience, keeping silent during the discussions between Mari and Hikari, occasionally looking over at Asuka during the pauses.

One hour stretches into two, then three. The motions of the song become automatic to Asuka's hands, and she performs like a robot, her attention split between the sounds coming from her guitar and Rei's voice, so soft without the aid of speakers. Finally, Hikari stands, stretching her arms behind her back. "Let's take fifteen," she says, and Mari practically bounces the entire way to the door.

"Thought you'd never say that!" she says, and vanishes into the building.

"If you're getting coffee, bring me back some!" Hikari calls after her, and resumes making notes on her music with a pencil.

Asuka shrugs her guitar off her shoulders, suddenly aware of how tense she's been for the past hours. "We're doing pretty good, all things considered."

"We are." Hikari makes a few more marks and peers around the keyboard at Asuka. "By the way, are you alright? You've been... I don't know, different today."

"Really?" Asuka scoffs. "I haven't noticed."

"She's right," says Rei. "It's hard to explain."

"It's like..." Hikari taps her pencil against the keyboard, idly picking out the intro to one of Mari's new songs. "Like you're... not really all here. Like you're doing this just because, not like you enjoy it or anything."

"And how would you know that? You're not me," Asuka counters. Hikari starts to answer, but Asuka cuts her off. "I'm stepping out. I'll be back before break's over." She leaves the room without another word, leaving a stunned Hikari in her wake. Rei gets up from the chair she'd seated herself in, motioning after Asuka. Hikari nods in equal silence, and goes back to staring at the music, the black and white suddenly making no sense.

Rei catches Asuka outside the building, just around the corner. Asuka's leaning with her back against the wall, taking deep breaths. Her eyes are closed, face set in a relaxed expression, and she doesn't notice Rei approach until she's right next to her, leaning against the wall with her.

They don't speak for a while: Asuka just waits, filling her lungs over and over with slow, methodical breaths, and Rei playing with the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry for this," she says at last. "I shouldn't have pushed you into doing this for me."

"You didn't push me," Asuka says. "You asked. I accepted. It's my fault for not realizing how... long of a commitment this would be."

"It's not that." Rei pauses, and Asuka feels her stomach clench tight as fear courses through her. For a moment, she thinks Rei's somehow pieced everything together, but then Rei speaks again. "You've been acting strangely since... not exactly the first show, but sometime after that. It's not fatigue, so... what else could it be?"

Asuka's not sure if Rei's question is rhetorical or not, but she doesn't bother to answer. Rei seems content to wait for Asuka to respond, checking the time on her phone occasionally, but otherwise saying nothing. The minutes stretch on, long past the allotted break time, but Rei shows no signs of wanting to return to Hikari and Mari.

"Look, I just need a day off," Asuka says after a long while. "I've got my parts down. You should go back in and practice with the others."

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine." Asuka waves a hand, the corners of her lips twitching as she tries and fails to give Rei a smile. "Text me tonight?"

"I'll text you after practice," Rei promises. "Asuka, if you need anything, just... tell me, okay? I don't want you to be stressed out for my sake."

"It'll be fine," repeats Asuka. "Tell Hikari and Mari I'm sorry?"

"I will. And I'll just tell them you're not feeling well, alright?"

Asuka nods, and Rei turns and disappears around the corner. Asuka waits until she's sure Rei's long gone before trudging slowly back towards the practice room, listening to the sound of Hikari's keyboard and Mari's drums echo through the otherwise empty building. She can't make out Rei among the instruments, not until she's sitting against the wall opposite their room with her head buried in her hands.

 _Just go back in, Asuka,_ she tells herself. _It's just practice. There's nothing off about_ practice. _And didn't you say it was better to do something with Rei than not at all?_ Still, she can't bring herself to get up, to go back in and add her guitar to the otherwise empty-sounding melody. _This doesn't make any sense._

Asuka stands, trudging towards the exit, and she's got her hand on the cool metal bar when it finally hits her. _I miss her,_ she thinks, her knuckles shaking against the door. _I miss when both of us were just alone together. Now, it's-_ The door slams shut behind Asuka with a furious clattering. Asuka stalks away from the music building, her hands clenched into fists, fingers pale with barely-suppressed rage as she heads back to her apartment.

It's only halfway there that she remembers she forgot her guitar, and again, it's Rei that reminds her. _We kept your guitar in the room for you,_ Rei texts to her. _Are you feeling better?_

Asuka shoves her phone back into her pocket without bothering to reply. _No,_ she thinks. _I'm not._


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Asuka doesn't show up to practice. Rei isn't sure what she expected: some small part of her had hoped that whatever was bothering Asuka would pass overnight, but that possibility has long since passed.

"I'm going to talk to her," Rei says an hour into practice, when Mari stops to deal with a stuck screw in her pedal.

"Fine by me," Mari says, wrestling with the malfunctioning pedal. "I don't think this thing's going to start working any time soon. Might as well do something productive, right?"

"It would be a good idea to talk to her in person," adds Hikari. "Mari and I can practice our parts individually while you're gone. Just try to hurry, alright?"

Rei nods, heading for the door. She hesitates on the threshold, then doubles back to grab Asuka's guitar, which she secures on her back before setting off down the road.

Asuka's apartment is twenty minutes away on foot, but Rei takes thirty, shuffling her feet at the stoplights as she wonders what she'll say. Before long, she finds herself standing in the lobby of Asuka's apartment complex, waiting for the elevator to creak its way down to her level. _I'll just say hello,_ Rei thinks, fidgeting with the strap of the guitar case. _Or maybe I should ask her what's wrong? But what if she just slept in?_ The elevator doors open in front of Rei, calling her. After a moment's consideration, she turns away and takes the stairs.

The climb to Asuka's floor gives Rei another minute to gather her thoughts, yet she's nowhere near prepared when she knocks on Asuka's door, shifting her balance from one foot to the other as she waits for an answer. There's a rustling behind the door, and then Asuka's voice sounds from the other side, muffled and lower than Rei remembers it. "Who is it?"

"It's Rei." Rei waves at the peephole, hoping Asuka sees her. The door remains closed. "You... sound different."

"Yeah, I came down with something," Asuka replies. Rei frowns: she's seen Asuka sick many times before, and this isn't what she sounds like. It's also the middle of summer, and that makes the likelihood of Asuka being ill even lower.

"Are you sure?" Rei presses, standing on tip-toes to try and peer through the peephole. The attempt fails, but Asuka definitely sees her that time, if her response is anything to go by.

"I said I'm fine!" she snaps, and something in the apartment crashes to the floor. "You... you should go back to Hikari and Mari, you know that? Go enjoy yourself with them. I mean, you have more fun with them- it's better for you. I can handle myself. So, just... leave!"

Rei is silent for a long while in the wake of Asuka's outburst. She stands in front of the door, deep in thought, until finally she removes the guitar case from her back and props it up against the wall beside Asuka's door. "I brought your guitar back."

"Yeah, no shit." Asuka laughs, but it's weak and cracked and frayed at the edges, and it tells Rei that everything Asuka's said to her so far has been a lie. "Don't you have practice to go back to, Rei? You chose a really shit time to return my guitar."

"Mari broke something, or something broke. Same thing, really." Rei shrugs, waiting for Asuka's spiteful giggle, but it never comes. "Asuka, do you really want me to go?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll go, but first you have to tell me what's wrong. If you can't say it, write it down and slip it to me under the door. Once you've done that, I'll go. Okay?"

There's no response, but Rei knows Asuka's heard her. She retreats across the hall, sitting in view of the door with her hands folded on her knees, and waits patiently. One minute passes, then ten. Someone, probably Hikari, texts her, but Rei ignores it. Asuka's apartment is eerily silent, like someone's flipped a switch and turned Asuka's rage from hot to cold in an instant, but still Rei waits. If there's one thing she knows about Asuka, it's that her patience is far less in abundance than her own.

At the twenty minute mark, a slip of paper emerges from under Asuka's door. Rei crawls forward to pick it up and examines it. It's barely two inches long and three inches across, and on it is written something that would explain everything, if Rei can only get herself to believe it.

Rei takes a deep breath in, staring at the paper in her hand. Getting to her feet, she approaches Asuka's door and taps on it again. "Asuka?" she calls, and holds her breath to listen for any sound that her friend might make. When there's nothing, she continues. "Do you still want me to leave?"

 _"Yes."_ The cracks in Asuka's voice are back again, spreading with that one word, and Rei lowers her eyes and steps away from the door.

"You know you can always call me if you want to talk, Asuka."

No reply. Releasing a heavy sigh, Rei turns away, heading down the hall with a quiet, "I'm going." She turns around just before the stairwell, looking back towards Asuka's apartment, and sees the black guitar case vanish into Asuka's closing door. She briefly considers going back to see if Asuka's changed her mind, but Hikari and Mari are likely to wonder why a simple visit has taken so long, and telling them everything that happened will just take up more time. With a final glance at the piece of paper that Asuka gave her, Rei tucks it into her pocket and sets off down the stairs, heading back to the college campus.

Hikari is practicing by herself when Rei returns, with Mari huddled in the corner struggling to fix the misbehaving pedal with pliers and a screwdriver one size too big. Both girls look up when Rei walks in, Mari dropping her tools and Hikari stopping in the middle of her music. "So?" asks Mari. "She's not coming?"

"She's not," says Rei, and Mari shoots Hikari a glance that says _what did I tell you?_ Hikari rolls her eyes, about to tell Rei something, when Rei speaks again. "I... I don't think I can practice any more today, either. Is it alright if we just... meet up again sometime later this week?"

"Is everything okay?" asks Hikari.

"Yes. I just need to think about something."

"Does it have to do with Asuka?"

Rei shakes her head, unable to lie to Hikari's face. Fortunately, Hikari seems to accept this, turning her keyboard off and gathering her sheet music up. "Well, my sisters _have_ been asking when I could play with them. I guess a day or two off won't do us any harm, as long as we resume practice after that. Mari can also fix her pedal with the right equipment."

"My kingdom for a screwdriver the right size," Mari says dramatically, cradling the stuck pedal like she would an injured animal. "I left my repair kit back at my place with my main set, so if I could get a day to run and bring it back here, that'd be great."

"Then we'll meet back here in two days." Hikari stands, tucking her sheet music into a plastic folder, and moves toward the door. "Try not to take too long Mari; I've still got to lock the door. Oh, and try to get Asuka back, Rei? I know she can handle her parts, but I'd still like us to practice together as a band a few more times."

"I'll try," Rei says. Hikari nods, seemingly satisfied, and steps out. Rei lingers in the doorway, not wanting to risk Hikari asking more about Asuka. She watches Mari sit back and place the drum pedal to one side, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Serves me right for not having the right stuff on me," Mari says. "But hey, at least we get two days off. Speaking of which, is the Princess alright? Guessing from the look on your face, something's definitely wrong." She laughs as Rei's face contorts into a confuse expression, standing and dusting her pants off. "Don't worry, you didn't give anything away, I don't think. It's just that I've been around you long enough to tell when your poker face isn't quite itself. It's the eyes, I think."

Mari gathers the pieces of her drum set in the corner of the room, throwing a dark tarp over it and shoving her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt. "You don't have to tell me anything, Rei. Just take care of her, alright? You're closer to her than me or Hikari, so. That's your job during the break, you got that? See you."

Rei watches as Mari waltzes out the door, whistling the melody of one of their songs with an enthusiasm that Rei wishes she had. _You say that like it's easy,_ she thinks, her eyes drifting down to the pocket with Asuka's piece of paper. _I don't even know if she'll want to talk to me._ Pulling her phone from her pocket, she taps out a quick message to Asuka, hesitating over the send button. _Hikari and Mari are worried about you_ , it reads. No, that doesn't quite sound right.

Four revisions later, Rei sends Asuka the text and leaves, waving to Hikari, who locks the room after her. Mari's already long gone, having escaped outdoors to two days' freedom. Rei steps out into the sun, the heat hitting her all at once, and suddenly the plastic of her phone is uncomfortable against her skin. She puts it away, but not before checking the screen for any sign of a reply from Asuka. As she expected, there's none, and doubt nags at her again, making her wonder if she sent the right message. Pushing her worries aside, Rei heads off towards the bus stop, pausing under what shade she can find as she waits for the phone in her pocket to vibrate.

Twenty minutes away, Asuka holds her phone over her head, tapping the screen with one finger to keep Rei's message lit up. _Message me when you're ready. I'm worried about you._


	4. Chapter 4

Rei doesn't hear back from Asuka that day, or the next, or the day after that. Three summer afternoons drag by, their passage marked by Rei checking her phone for a text from Asuka while sitting in front of the TV. There's nothing on except for reality shows, which are Asuka's preference more than Rei's, but there's nothing else to do, and it's too hot to take a walk.

The second day of their break comes and goes, and Rei begins to plan out her text to Hikari, explaining that she failed. If Asuka doesn't want to talk, there's nothing that can be done. Rei falls asleep with her phone in her hands, her drafted text to Hikari on her screen, and dreams of how things will be if Asuka decides never to speak to her again.

She's woken up at seven in the morning by her phone going off next to her head, a persistent chiming that comes and goes too infrequently to be an alarm. Rei rolls over, nearly knocking it to the floor, and opens one eye to stare at the screen, which is far too bright for her liking. Her phone beeps again, and this time Rei recognizes the tone- it's the sound she assigned to Asuka's texts.

All thoughts of how early it is go out the window. Rei sits up, head spinning and lights flashing in her eyes, and tries to make sense of Asuka's messages. They're jumbled and confused, a problem only made worse by Rei's tired state, but she understands _can you come over?_ well enough.

 _I'm on my way,_ Rei texts back, reaching into her closet and grabbing random sweatshirt as she runs past. She wiggles into it as she reaches the door of her apartment, nearly dropping her keys in her hurry to lock it up, and sprints down the stairs and out into the street.

Birds are chirping in the trees, but Rei can't hear them over the sound of her own harsh breathing. She hasn't gone straight from her place to Asuka's in a while, but she knows the streets well enough to make a fair guess as to where to turn. She makes it to Asuka's apartment in twenty minutes, taking the elevator up as a chance to catch her breath and stumbling her way down the hall.

Asuka answers the door after Rei's first knock, looking even worse than she did three days before. Her eyes are marked by dark shadows under them; her eyelids are red and puffy, and her mouth is set in a frown that looks like it's been there for a while. "You can come in," she rasps, standing aside to let Rei in and locking the door behind them. "You didn't tell Hikari and Mari that you were coming over, right?"

"No. Should I?" asks Rei. Asuka shakes her head and slouches over to the kitchen, where she pours a cup of coffee for herself before looking over her shoulder.

"Want any?"

"That would be nice." Rei accepts a mug from Asuka and retreats across the kitchen, standing across from her friend. Asuka returns the pot, nearly empty, back to the machine. "You've been awake for a while, haven't you?"

"Couldn't sleep. Too much to think about," Asuka replies. Rei waits for her to continue, but Asuka stares at the tiled floor, either lost in her own thoughts or unwilling to speak first.

"Did you invite me over to talk about... the thing from Friday?" Asuka nods slowly, taking a sip of her coffee, but still not looking up. Rei waits for a moment before reaching into her pocket, taking out the slip of paper she'd been carrying ever since Asuka gave it to her. Asuka lifts her head, her gaze darting away when she recognizes what Rei's got in her hand.

"So, this. Since when?" asks Rei, holding the paper in her outstretched palm. From across the kitchen Asuka can recognize her own writing, spelling out the words _I like you_ , and downs the rest of her coffee before answering.

"You're not... I don't know, weirded out or anything?" Asuka meets Rei's eyes for the first time, waiting for her reaction, almost daring her to laugh. It's a look that Rei's never seen in their eight years of being friends: vulnerability. She wants to cross the room in that moment, to hug Asuka and reassure her that everything will be alright, but first she has to explain herself.

"After everything, it wasn't really unexpected," Rei says with a small shrug. "We've known each other for a long time."

Asuka nods, putting her mug aside and tapping her fingertips against the counter. "I've... it's been going for a while. Did you notice?" Rei shakes her head, and Asuka grins weakly, satisfied that she at least wasn't obvious. "It didn't really get to be a problem until recently, I guess. I was jealous. Of everyone paying attention to you, of you and me just... not getting time to ourselves like we used to. I didn't want to lose that."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rei steps forward, setting her coffee behind her, only for Asuka to look away again. "I mean... this explains some things, like why you've never liked Mari teasing you, but you could've always just... talked to me."

"I didn't want to distract you. You always enjoyed singing, and you were having so much fun with Hikari and Mari, and I didn't want to take that away. That's why I joined in the first place, you know? I thought if it'd make you happy, then maybe I could- I don't know, maybe I could've told you after everything was done."

"Your happiness matters, too." Asuka tenses up at those words, but she doesn't react as Rei leans against the counter next to her, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've always enjoyed your company, Asuka. Playing in a band with you is fun, but if it's too much, I understand. I'm sure Mari and Hikari will, too-"

"That's not it," Asuka says, interrupting Rei. "I like hearing you sing; I love being near you, but after everything, I just couldn't... I had to take a break. I'll be fine now. Practice is still on, right?"

Asuka pushes off the counter, heading toward her guitar, lying out of its case on the couch, but Rei catches her wrist and pulls her back. "I came here to talk to you, not ask you to practice," she says. "And I'm not finished." Asuka turns, waiting for Rei to continue, eyes going wide when Rei wraps her arms around her and hugs her.

"Rei?"

"I've liked you for a while too, Asuka. You've always been there for me, no matter what, and... I wish you could've told me before, so we wouldn't have had to go through this."

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship," Asuka murmurs, and Rei holds her tighter, a soft smile spreading across her face.

"It would take a lot more than that to get me to dislike you," says Rei. "A lot more."

Asuka sighs in relief, resting her head on Rei's shoulder, ignoring the sudden weakness in her knees. "So," she says, "Now that we've gotten that out of the way. Are we..."

"I think girlfriends sounds nice."

Asuka turns red, blushing so hard she's sure Rei can feel the heat radiating off her skin as she stammers, "I... I meant practice! Do we have it today?"

"Later." Rei leans back, her hands sliding up to Asuka's shoulders, and stares into the other's blue eyes. "We have time."

It's only then that Asuka realizes how close Rei's face is to hers, her breath warm and smelling of coffee. Rei's smile is inviting, and Asuka swallows back a nervous lump in her throat as she moves closer to Rei.

Their lips are nearly touching when Rei's phone goes off, loud and sudden in the stillness, and Rei leaps back, apologizing repeatedly as she struggles to unlock her phone. "Mari?"

"Hey! Hikari wants to know if practice is on!" Mari says, and Rei holds the phone away from her ear. Asuka raises an eyebrow at her before walking over and grabbing Rei's hand, holding it to her mouth.

"You've got shit timing, Four-eyes!" she shouts.

"Well _sorry,_ Princess. Didn't know I was interrupting something important."

"When's practice?" Rei asks.

"Hikari said half an hour if you guys were going. We should probably be there; we have what, five days before we go back on tour?"

"You'd better not be late," Asuka snaps, and heads over to the couch to pack away her guitar. Rei sighs, scratching the side of her neck as Mari reassures a no longer listening Asuka that yes, she will actually show up on time for once.

"We'll see you both there," Rei says, and hangs up. "Do you have anything to eat, Asuka? I didn't really have time before I came here."

"Toast in the toaster. I had some before you got here." Asuka stands, zipping her guitar case, and runs her hands over her face. "I should probably try to look like I didn't stay up all night crying, huh?" Rei nods sympathetically, and Asuka shrugs. "I'll be right back."

In the ten minutes it takes Asuka to wash her face and get her hair into a vague semblance of order, Rei helps herself to two slices of toast and another cup of coffee. She's waiting by the door when Asuka stumbles out, grabbing her guitar case on the way to the door. Rei stops her by the door, pulling her down by the shoulder and landing a quick kiss on her cheek. "To tide you over for now," she says, and goes to call the elevator up while Asuka blushes again and locks up.

"Think she'll be late as usual?" Asuka asks once they're inside the elevator.

"Probably. Some things just don't change."

"And... this?" Asuka points to the spot where Rei kissed her, and gets a quiet giggle in return.

"I'm fine with it if you are."

"More than fine."

The elevator doors open, and Asuka shifts her guitar case, grabbing Rei's hand as she heads out, past the double doors and into the sunlit morning. Rei looks at their joined hands, a smile playing across her lips, and follows Asuka into the light.

* * *

Five days later, they're gathered in Hikari's van, instruments in the back and Mari riding shotgun as usual. For once, Asuka doesn't dispute her claim, more than content to sit in the back with Rei, one hand resting atop hers on the backseat. Mari shoots the occasional glance into the back, wiggling her eyebrows at Asuka and Rei, but saying nothing. Hikari seems oblivious to this, focusing instead on their upcoming show.

"It looks like they loved us the last time, 'cause tickets sold out," she says as they wind down the highway. "We'll get there at 6 and have about an hour to set up and get everything ready, and then we're on. Mari wanted to debut one of the new songs here, so we'll do that as our last one. Any questions?"

"Can we stop by that bakery after the show?" asks Mari.

"Maybe, if you actually help us set up this time," Hikari shoots back. Mari raises her hands in surrender, putting her feet up on the dashboard. Hikari shakes her head, but says nothing, having long since given up on correcting Mari's behavior.

True to Hikari's prediction, they reach the venue with about an hour to spare. Rei helps Hikari and Mari unload their instruments, then lingers around while Asuka tests her guitar in the back before bringing it to the stage. "So... the last song," she says.

"What about it?"

"Just... be ready."

"Huh?" Asuka looks up, but Rei's already walking off, probably to go warm up her vocal chords while Mari and Hikari practice. "Wait, Rei!" she calls. Rei waves back to her, and Asuka groans, resuming the slow picking of her strings.

An hour comes and goes far too quickly for Asuka's liking, but before long she's hauling her equipment up to the stage and getting it plugged in, and the others are ready, fidgeting with that nervous restlessness that comes before every performance. Asuka manages to catch Rei's eye once, mouthing a confused _"What?"_ to her, but Rei only winks at her. Before long, it's time, and Asuka walks out with the rest of the band with a smile on her face that feels real for the first time in ages, taking her place between Rei and Hikari.

They go through the songs just like it's practice, though hearing the sound of Rei singing makes Asuka's blood burn like it hasn't before. It must show in her playing, and Mari and Hikari must sense it too, for out of the corner of her eye she can see them hammering away at their instruments with a fire to match hers.

An hour and a half goes by in a flash, and Asuka doesn't realize they're on their last song until she hears Rei's voice doing something other than singing, announcing Mari's newest work. Mari stretches and cracks her knuckles on the other side of the stage, waiting until Rei shoots her a thumbs-up to go hammer out the intro on the drums, accompanied by Hikari's piano. Asuka waits with her hand on the neck of her guitar, ready to come in, until she notices Rei looking back at her. She has just enough time to register this as strange before she hears the drum portion that means _it's almost time_ , and scrambles to remember what chord comes after the first three. By the time she's caught up, Rei is looking back over the crowd again, and Asuka wonders what that had been about in the first place.

She doesn't have to wonder for long. Halfway through the second verse, Rei takes a step back, looking over at her again just as she sings the words _'if I had you'_. Asuka blinks, and Rei turns away, but she knows Rei was singing those words to her in the same way she knows their songs by memory.

The next time Rei turns around, Asuka's ready. They're in the last iteration of the chorus when Rei glances over her shoulder, her lips forming the words _'if I had you'_ , and Asuka replies with a mouthed ' _that would be the only thing I'd ever need'_. Rei smiles, her teeth smiling brightly under the stage lights, and from behind her Asuka hears Mari whoop with excitement. Asuka glares at her, but Mari only grins broadly and says something that looks suspiciously like _'Finally!'._

The song fades out, Rei's voice being the last thing to fall silent, and the crowd erupts with applause. Rei pays attention to none of this though; she's put her microphone back on the stand, closing the distance between herself and Asuka, and when she grabs Asuka by the front of her jacket and presses their lips together, the noise gets even louder. Asuka's muffled squeak of surprise is lost in their kiss, and after a moment, she places her hands on Rei's shoulders to steady herself. She's faintly aware of Hikari's voice in the background, thanking everyone and telling them their next performance date, but it's nothing but a buzz in the background. For now, her entire world is Rei, and this kiss, and nothing else matters.

Hikari walks past a second later, tapping Rei on the shoulder. "Come on, you two," she says, and heads toward the back of the stage. Mari catches up to her, holding out a hand, and Hikari begrudgingly passes her twenty dollars.

"Thank you!" Mari laughs, shooting Asuka a thumbs-up and skipping after her.

"We should, uh, probably go," Asuka says, once Rei pauses for breath.

"Probably," Rei agrees, and grabs Asuka's hand without missing a beat, throwing the crowd a parting wave as she drags her backstage.

Hikari and Mari are already gone when Asuka and Rei stagger into the back, probably having gone straight to the dressing rooms. "What was that about?" asks Asuka. "Not like I'm complaining."

"I just wanted to make things clear. To everyone," Rei says. "I... hope you didn't mind?"

"Not at all. In fact, I think I'd like to make it clearer."

"Really?" Rei's slips her hands behind Asuka's neck, grinning playfully as she pulls her closer. "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt. If it makes Mari stop teasing you."

"She'll be teasing _us_ , now," Asuka points out.

"Worth it, I think," Rei replies without pause. "What about you?"

"Definitely worth it," Asuka replies, and leans down to kiss Rei again.

"Wait!" Rei giggles, holding up a finger. "We shouldn't keep Hikari and Mari waiting."

"Mari takes forever to change. _Reiiii_ ," Asuka whines, trying to dodge around Rei's hand. She fixes her friend with her best impression of a puppy-dog pout, her blue eyes widening pitifully. Rei appears unconvinced, her gaze directed down the hall at the changing room. Asuka throws in a fake quiver of her lip and murmurs, "I love you."

That certainly catches Rei's attention. She looks back at Asuka, smiling that soft smile that Asuka fell so hard for, and sighs. "Flatterer. Just one more."

"Then I'll have to make it count." Asuka's hands seize Rei's face on either side, warm and steady as she bring their mouths together, feeling Rei's lips moving slow against hers. Their bodies are so close that Asuka thinks Rei can feel her heart pounding through her skin and jacket, but Rei doesn't mind, moving her hand from the back of Asuka's neck into her hair, running her fingers through the fiery red strands.

The world falls away for a moment; the hum of the crowd outside the stage fades into a low buzzing noise that rings in Asuka's ears. She hears Rei inhale sharply and starts to back away, letting Rei catch her breath, but Rei refuses to let her go, kissing her again.

They separate a minute later, though it feels much longer to Asuka, who for once has nothing to say. Rei nuzzles her neck, linking their hands together as she slowly pulls Asuka down the hall. "Come on," she whispers.

"Stupid commitments," Asuka groans, drawing closer to Rei but not resisting. "Once this is over, you and I are going on a very long date without Hikari or Mari or anyone bothering us."

"Sounds good." Rei squeezes Asuka's hand as they near the changing room, and Asuka can sense her reluctance to let go, if even for only a short while. "But for now, we'll do this together."

* * *

 _Lyrics and title taken from Adam Lambert's 'If I Had You'._

 _Fic written for Tumblr user gaychloeprice's birthday._

 _I really don't know what to put down here in these author's notes. Multi-chapter fic, yay?_


End file.
